A few months ago, I dealt with the first breakup that I hadn’t wanted; my boyfriend of around two years, though on and off, had decided we were better apart only a few days before Christmas. Of course, this didn’t leave me in the most festive mood and it took a while to sink in. However, the time since Christmas has been spent working on getting over the breakup and taking care of myself.
1: Accept It
Once you are broken up and it’s obvious that there isn’t any going back, you need to be able to accept the truth and realise that you are going to have to move forward and move on. It’s definitely hard and it does take some getting used to (and lots of tissues) but it can be achieved with some positive thought processes and lots of distractions.
The day we split, I cried to my parents and stayed up till the early hours with them watching Masterchef: The Professionals on TV. Rather than crying alone, simply talking to someone and just opening up was so helpful as I could properly voice how I felt and let the tears out.
2: Distract Yourself
This is probably the best advice I could give you, as distraction techniques worked best for me and kept me from feeling really down when I was moving on after the breakup. Distraction can be anything as small as eating breakfast with your family to organising a meet up with friends to going for a run.
I distracted myself by meeting up with friends and talking to my parents a lot. As it was Christmas, I was on school holidays and therefore had a lot of time on my hands, which I didn’t want. I tried to fill my days with blogging, reading a ton of books, rereading those books, journalling and also writing. I also went ice skating with a friend which was really fun, baked with my brother, practised cooking, wrapped Christmas presents, went running, met friends for brunch and went to church. All these things distracted me from the pain of the initial breakup and allowed me to see that there were other good things in my life I should focus on.
3: Distance Yourself
This is also important, even if your relationship is still friendly after splitting. You should try to distance yourself from your ex, even if its just a few days. Try to take time on your own to figure things out and allow yourself to think about things. Think about what you want, how you want to move forward and if you want to stay friends. This will determine the future relationship between you two, which is also influenced by what they want.
Texting and phoning him can just complicate the problem and make it harder for you to move on so I would avoid that. If it would help, you could organise a date to talk about things in a few days or weeks so you both have time to come around and calm down a little before doing anything drastic.
4: Spend Time With Different People
You might realise that when you start to spend more time with other people, you don’t miss them as much. It also means you have less time on your hands to stalk his socials and just be online for no positive reason. Also, if you find that hanging out with other people is actually more fun you’ll find it a lot easier to accept it and move on.
Other people can give you a completely different perspective, too, so it could help you to understand the situation from another viewpoint and come to terms with the breakup better. Don’t spend all your time talking about it though – get over it!
5: Start Something New
Try something that you haven’t before! It can take your mind off things and serve as a new hobby that you never did before, so its another way of moving on with your life and going onto bigger and better things.
This could be anything from a simple hobby to joining a sports team or masterclass; learn to cook pastry, play netball with a team, start painting or even buy a musical instrument. Put some time and effort into it and you’ll be feeling like a new version of you.
6: Find Someone Better
Don’t do this before you’re ready, but it could be time to get over yourself and go out with that new boy you talked to or just an old friend – who cares? You might be needing a little fun and as long as you’re over the breakup, there’s no harm in trying anyway.